Aspen’s Secret Soundtrack
illustration by Jeff Teaford
A while back, someone discovered that if you turn down the volume while watching The Wizard of Oz and replace that soundtrack with Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon,” all sorts of mystical, cosmic synchronicities happen. It’s almost as if they planned it that way.
Well, in Aspen, there are many equally synchronous pairings of seemingly incongruous sounds and visuals to be discovered. Try some of these and see for yourself.
Listen to the sound of the milk being foamed for your double half-decaf mocha latte while watching through the window as your car gets ticketed. It’s like the parking patroller’s movements are being dictated by the beautiful hiss of your designer coffee being made, creating a touching ballet. You, parked just for a minute to grab a coffee before starting your day, enchanted by the Pavlovian response of the white noise of the milk foamer; they, skipping daintily to your still-idling vehicle, entering your license plate in their hand-held computer with such flourish that it could be a Twyla Tharp/Juan Valdez collaboration.
Listen to the various people in the restaurant talk loudly on their cell phones while watching the lobsters swim around in their tank. “How many times do we have to have this conversation,” one lobster seems to say. “What am I paying you for?” another seemingly chimes in. “Listen, I gotta go, my lobster’s here. I’ll call you later,” the one hiding under the rock says.
Listen to a pack of yappy Pomeranians tied up outside a cafe while watching a city council meeting on Grassroots TV. Their lips totally match up to the barking sounds! Amazing! This one can get tedious after a while, so eventually you’ll want to turn the TV off.
Watch the cars in the City Market parking lot scramble for parking places while digging the sounds of the robotic auto-check-out machine voice. “Do you have any coupons?” Think of it as sports commentary. “Please place your item in the bag,” the voice repeats, as the automobile the size of a small village attempts, yet again, to fit into a parking space. “Please scan the next item and place it in the bag.”
Try reversing the concept. Watch people sit by and calmly enjoy their morning coffee and paper while ten feet away a car alarm blares. A noise that should have everyone plugging their ears and ducking for cover is going completely unnoticed. They don’t even shoot nasty glances at the driver who’s trying to figure out his fancy new car alarm. How can a shrill sound designed to alert every being within earshot of an emergency situation be treated so casually? Because everyone knows that one day this will happen to them.
Listen to the cacophony made by a squawking flock of magpies fighting over a crust of bread while watching someone tape up a going-out-of-business sign in the window of your favorite store.
Enjoy the soothing sounds of the noon siren while looking at … anything you want. The noon siren matches up with everything. Even sleeping babies.
