The Holiday Survival Guide
Illustration by Katie Viola
In Aspen, once the winter season starts, the parties never stop. So a little strategy is needed to survive the endless demand for wardrobe, hangover care and the consequences of supreme gluttony and hedonism. Here are a few DO’s and DON’Ts to help you stay out of rehab and into the swing.
Turkey Day
Thanksgiving welcomes the Holy Trinity of Aspen Living: eating, drinking and skiing. Because the ski vibe is what makes Thanksgiving here special, DO get out for a turn-and-burn on Ajax (one lap, maybe two just to bring a little wind to the cheeks). DO lie and tell everyone you’re a vegetarian and bring a healthy side dish (big salad or brown rice pilaf). Think of it this way: It’s no different than the kosher trick you play on Easter. Just be thankful today’s fashions (longer tops and sweaters) help hide the post-dinner bloat. DON’T buy those expensive designer jeans until well after the dinner, turkey.
The Christmas Party Circuit
Many Christmas parties are held during “cocktail hour,” meaning it’s going to start early and end late and they’re not going to feed you. DO try to eat a big lunch or at least get enough cheese and crackers into your gut to absorb some of that alcohol for the heavy drinking you’re expected to do before dinnertime. DO know public drunkenness is perfectly acceptable this time of year, so it’s the ideal excuse for the reckless abandonment of your inhibitions. DO use the mistletoe excuse for any close contact you might not be able to get away with other times of year. DON’T even try to maintain your diet and fitness program during this period (saving it for the New Year’s Resolution list is both realistic and handy). The only diet you’ll have any chance of sticking to is one of caffeine, nicotine and alcohol. Ever hear of a liquid lunch? Now it’s breakfast and dinner, too! DO stock up on red accessories and accents like scarves, hats, heels and belts because you will run out of party outfits and/or not get around to doing laundry when you’re out every night. Basic black is the best to hide all those spilled wine stains, and a little perfume spray should cover up the smoke and stale beer. DO re-gift. Everyone does it, and there’s no way you can bring something to every party without breaking the bank.
New Year’s Eve
The busiest night in the entire season carries with it a lot of hype and high expectations, kind of like the prom. Unless you want to end up facedown in a snow bank with someone holding back your hair, DON’T start drinking too early or you’ll be one of those fools clomping around in your ski boots at last call. Skip the après festivities, take a nap and a shower, and for god’s sake, son: pace yourself! DON’T expect to get into a restaurant without a reservation you made way in advance, and DO expect to pay high-dollar for your fixed-fare multi-course meal. DO plan ahead. Private parties or advanced-purchase tickets are the best. Otherwise, strategize. If you’re doing the dance club thing, get there early or get shut out in the cold behind a big guy and a fat velvet rope. DO wear warm clothes and shoes because you won’t be taking taxis from A to B, and early January is typically the coldest time of year. Cover your legs, invest in a heavy, long winter coat and wear a hat. It may look like Rodeo Drive, but we’re still a mountain town. DO remember it’s easier to get drunk at altitude and think about who you’re standing next to when the ball drops. You want the New Year to be a new start, not a new set of problems.
The X Games
X Games weekend is now officially on the docket as one of the biggest party events of the season. Not only does it bring a slew of pro athletes and industry insiders to town, but 30,000 spectators as well. The young, extreme sports vibe means that for one weekend in late January, it really does smell like teen spirit. DON’T even try to be cool, because you’re competing with the people who set the standard for what cool will be about a year from now. DO spend at least one evening watching it all happen live at Buttermilk (see clothing advice above) and DO use public transportation. Remember that party train we mentioned? It’s actually a bus. And DO lower your age requirements ladies; town is teeming with under-25s. If Demi Moore can do it, so can you.
Valentine’s Day
If you’re a single guy from out of town, there’s no better place than Aspen to celebrate that fact. In a land where “the odds are good but the goods are odd,” you can bet the bars will be packed with embittered, drunk single women who would love nothing more than to meet a man who doesn’t live here. If you’re attached, beware of unreasonable expectations (like your girlfriend’s anticipating a proposal) and temper them by fulfilling reasonable ones (a little romance will probably suffice). Single ladies DO take this day to indulge yourself with a visit with your girlfriends to one of Aspen’s deliriously luxurious spas. DO hit one of the old school dive bars where booze can be your first love. Leave your cell phone at home so you don’t DON’T drink and dial. Let him wonder why you’re not answering. Remember: in Aspen, love is easy to find—just look up.
